Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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