Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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