Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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