I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
