I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
