I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
