Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
