I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
