Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
