You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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