I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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