Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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