So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
