Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
