The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
