During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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