So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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