There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
