My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
