haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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