He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I supernannyed him into submission
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
