Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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