Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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