He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
