just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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