I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
