Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
