OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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