In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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