i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
