You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
