Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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