i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
