I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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