i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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