I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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