What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
