I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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