I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
