she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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