super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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