I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
