I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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