My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
