There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
