I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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