Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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