I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
