I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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