I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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